Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
