is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
