When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
barbara walters just said penis...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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