my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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