Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
where are my eyebrows?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
