im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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