Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize