Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
