Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
