Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
