Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
