do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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