awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
