Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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