i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
