If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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