My hand turned me down
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We need to rekindle our bromance
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
