You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
