He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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