Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
