Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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