Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
