I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
