There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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