Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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