I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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