we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
