Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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