Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's great music for shaving your balls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
