why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
