He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
