The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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