mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im holly from the hills drunk
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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