Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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