from now on my penis is your penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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