You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
