It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize