I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
