sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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