I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
