i barfeds in our rink
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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