oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So drunk its hurt
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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