Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize