i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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