i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
