I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm just crazy horny about you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize