The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
