Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
