Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
