Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
