Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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