The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She told me I should be a condom model.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
