So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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