I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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