the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
