it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
