Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
