I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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