Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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