Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
