I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
ok first of all what the fuck
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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