So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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