he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
