Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize