Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
