I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
