Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
