Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Fuck appropriateness.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
