Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
