oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize