these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
